2 Things

2 things have occured recently that I think are monumental in my epic journey to lose weight. I'm officially past the 60 pound mark, which is nice. But I'm still fat, so 60 pounds was kind of a drop in a bucket. Theres actually another thing that happened that i'm not going to share on a public forum because I don't want someone researching me on the internet to read about it and ask me about later or something, so be happy with this:

1. I fit into an X-Large shirt. Which is uncanny to me. I'm not able to just pick up any XL and put it on, but i've done so with a few shirts, including the new XL Hanes Undershirts I had to buy because my 2X ones are starting to look like dresses. I haven't worn an XL since 7th grade. Seriously. That was like 13 years ago.
2. I fit in size 38 jeans. This also has not happened since 7th grade. Back when I was 12, i was at least 225, minimum, but I was also a couple inches shorter, so i was little more stout. Unlike the the lithe animal I am now (har har har). 38 was sort of the end that I had decided in my mind, because I thought I would have to lose 100 pounds to get there, but apparently 60 is fine for that, so i'm gonna keep going, past 250, and hopefully to at least 199. Which would be epic.

I'm spiritually exhausted and as a result, my weight loss as slowed a bit. I just have to work harder is all. We're getting married in 57 days and thats enough time to get down to 250, which was the goal, when this started. it'll be tough going, but i think i can do it.

when i say spiritually exhausted, i mean it, i'm in such a general funk right now. mostly concernign work and money, and when those things bother you, its hard to forget about them considering how important they are. its lame, i know, and typical. but its tough to not let them bother you.

thankfully maggie is extremely patient and is giving me the benefit of the doubt as far as that is concerned, but i don't want to wear out her patience. i'd like some really good news, really soon.

Total Weak Sauce

I haven't research how old this is or when it was posted or anything other than a cursory glance, but I've already developed a staunch opinion about it. And that is that Threadless ripped me off all in the name of sweet t-shirts. Total weak sauce Threadless. I thought I knew you.

I'm at about 280 now, maybe a little less, not sure, I haven't weighed myself in a couple days.

Florida worked out pretty well, despite eating worse than I should have for 5 days, I ended up not gaining anything back and came out ahead in the end, having lost a pound over that week.

I think Maggie and I are at a point now where our bodies are so well adjusted and our metabolisms are so good that we could probably binge a little more often if we wanted to. So are bodies are on the right track, but as always, its a mental game. Just because we CAN it doesn't mean we SHOULD. At that is the end all be all that we have to hammer down.

I'm not sure that i'll be in an XL by the end of July like I wanted to, But i'm pretty sure that by the wedding I'm gonna be super hot, to match Maggies super hotness.

Looking Good, Plenty Tight

I haven't posted in a while, but thats okay. I haven't really done much on the weight front worth mentioning over the past month-ish or so. Until last night.

You see, Maggie works for a wonder lady by the name of Robin. Robin is a high-end wedding photographer in Chicago, and Maggie is her assistant. Robin is SUPER-NICE and is photographing our wedding on the cheap, the really really cheap. Which is really really nice and cool of her. So, she wants to do an "engagement session" with us (which is funny, because we've been engaged for almost 3 years, so its more of an "when the eff are you guys getting married? session") (october 4th, if you were wondering). Anyhoo, it just so happens that both of our schedules became free for tomorrow and we're going to shoot the pictures then. As a result, I needed to get some new pants, because my current 9 dollar Wal-Mart Jeans kind of look like shit and wouldn't really be good to be photographed in.
You see, since we've been dropping weight like Jay-Z used to push it, I've been kind of uncomfortable with buying expensive clothes, because I plan on loosing more weight, so i don't want to waste money on jeans that i won't be able to wear in 2 months. But since Maggie is cool beans, and I don't want to looks like a farmer in our pictures, I decided the right thing to do was to hunker down and by some fly denims.
So we went to Target last night and I hit the clearance section first, natch. And lo and behold, a pair of Merona Boot Cuts pops up and i'm in love and IT WAS ON SALE (i had planned on spending a minimum of 30 dollars on new jeans, which is a stretch for me, but I instead spent 12 , score)
I tried them on in the fitting room and let me tell you, them shits in the hottest pair of clothing i've ever owned. For realsies. Like, super hot. Basically, I feel like I'm on fire while i'm wearing them, but in a good way. Maggie likes them alot as well, but doesn't have nearly as big of a boner for them as I do. Which is strange I suppose, that I find myself more attractive than my fiance does, but whatever, that whole other post on wholly different blog.

Fiber + Onions = The Deadliest Combination

Maggie made some onion rings last night. But she made them tasty and healthy using ground up fiber one cereal for the breading, then baking them. Super tasty and only 1 gram of fat for 15 rings! Though I am sitting on ticking timebomb.

I also officialy passed 50 pounds yesterday. 50.6 to be exact. I feel pretty good about myself and I'm super proud of Maggie as well. She bought really hot new shirt last week. Man, it's really hot. I told her so last night. Maybe she'll buy another, or wear it more often, because, honestly: smokin. She'll probably yell at me for typing that here.

I'm gonna have some left over onion rings and salad for lunch. So i'll probably be tootin' for a good while.

John Ridley is a Stupid Dickface

This guy is a stupid dickface that completely ignores the issue. It isn't about fat people whining. It isn't about fat people wanted to be thrown onto the same card as blacks, gays and jews. What its about is general cultural misunderstanding and disrespect.
It can be narrowed to a number of different issues as to why America is so fat. But its ignorant and naive to suggest that its all at the fault of the individual. Which is the exact misunderstanding, bordering on stupidity, that I'm talking about.
I can attribute my "fatness" to a number of different issues, and then i'll show you how I resolved those personally, and how others might find it difficult to resolve the same issues:

1. I ate alot.
I resolved this issue by, simple, not eating so much. But I only did so with the positive reenforcement of family and friends, most importantly my fiance. If I didn't have that positive reenforcement, I can see it being EXTREMELY difficult to lose the weight I've lost.

2. I ate the wrong foods.
I resolved this issue by, once again fairly simply, eating better foods. I did this because I have money and access to the correct and nutritious foods that have helped me lose weight. Despite what John Ridley might think, not everyone in the world as access to or can afford to shop at Whole Foods Market. Not to mention that not everything is world is intrinsically good for you. sure eight Big Macs are a bad idea, but you know what, so is one Big Mac. Not to mention that not everyone in the world is informed as to what is bad for you. With all the marketing dollars shoved into shit food like McDonalds, Taco Bell, Coca-Cola, Chips Ahoy, Oreos and Doritos, is it that hard to imagine that most of America assumes that the above mentioned are their only options fo sustenance?
As an example go to Oak Park, IL west of Austin Ave. Affluent and ripe with boutique diners for vegans and those with wide and varied palettes. Just a few blocks east of that what do you see? Adds for Subway, Church's Chicken, Bud Light, KFC and other number of terribly terribly bad for you foods. Think about the type of people who live west of Austin: Affluent and white. Now think about the people who live east of Austin: Poor and black. Who in that mix do you think has more opportunities to eat healthily? Whose fault is it? Is it the black kids fault because he doesn't have the gusto to walk a couple a blocks to get his Free-Range Organic Chicken Wrap?

Those are the two biggest obstacles to eating healthily in todays society and at all levels it takes a special kind of person to ignore alot of what we are force fed on a daily basis from commercials and billboards. Not everyone is as iron-willed as John Ridley to ignore the institutionalized acceptance of the obese but at the same time abhor their physical presence. Think about how the food industry would collapse if we were all shining beacons of personal responsibily like John Ridley. They'd just have to stop making twinkies and ding-dongs and lay potato chips because no one would buy them anymore. No one would drink Slurpees or super-size anything. No one would get 2 hots dogs for the price of one, and certainly no one would eat more than their fair share at an all-you can eat buffet.

John Ridley, you're a stupid dickface.

How to Lose 4 Pounds in 2 Days

Lots of Diarrhea, and lots of vomitting. I wouldn't suggest either.

On a side note, i'm officially under 300 pounds. Which was recorded 2 days before I got sick. As of last weigh in, I'm 294.3 lbs.

Prepare For Glory

I weight myself the other day: 300.6 pounds.

Thats me in the red cape. The ninjas are fat cells. I am murdalizing them.

300. I haven't been at that weight in years. Probably since high school. I bought new pants last week at Wal-Mart for 9 dollars. And it sort of seems like they're already too big on me. But what I think the real problem is, is that I have a fat stomach. My fat stomach is slowly being murdalized away by my hal jordan-ness and as a result, its starting to droop like a 39 year old D-cup hippie. So, I can't really pull my pants up as as high as i'd like to. so I'm kind of rocking some low-riders right now and I'm really self concious everytime I bend over because I have feeling my ass crack might pop out. I have a feeling that by the time Florida rolls around (2 months!) It's girth will be reduced significantly.

Today is also maggie and I's negative one/half wedding anniversary. 6 months. Yowza. I'm pretty excited. Especially since I'll be all sexy and skinny.

I also set a new goal for myself to get down to an XL by the end of July. So'z I can wear my free Dark Knight shirt when I go see Dark Knight on the IMAX. You'd think they'd make a couple XXL's when they're handing out shirts at the comic-con. Gimme a break people.

My Birfday

So my birthday weekend was pretty elite. Maggie and I agreed to not count points on friday night, through sunday, as it was not only my birthday, but zombie jesus day as well. So there was tons of delicious food and while I didn't exactly stuff myself, I did eat alot. Enough to warrant a couple hearty d-bombs.
Friday night we went to Red Robin where I had a couple chips and a little bit of the Cheeseburger Con Queso dip which I'm positive is not good for you. I also had a Guiness, my first drop of alcohol in over 2 months. For my entree, I enjoyed a delicious Veggie Burger, and an order of fries. I then thoroughly obliterated my points for the day by eating the ice cream sundae which I was given for free, it being my birthday and all.
Saturday was a roller coaster of delicious food and awesomeness. For breakfast I kept it simple with yogurt and cereal. For lunch, boy o boy. I don't even want to list what I ate. But I will add that I did enjoy the delicious cupcakes Maggie made. They were s'mores cupcakes and I basically wanted to fuck them.
For dinner we went to Kampai Steakhouse in Mount Prospect, basically a low-rent Benihana. We ate tons of food and I tried for reals sushi for the first time and guess what: i don't like sushi.
We kept it chill that night and watched a movie, then went to bed.
Sunday we ate tons more food (including another fuckable s'mores cupcake)
Today we had a Trade Show in Oakbrook and we went to Cheesecake Factory, I had a tasty seared tuna and mixed greens salads with a wasabi vinegarette.

I should also mention that me super awesome fiance got me a PS3 for my birthday. She's crazy and awesome and I'm madly in love with her.

BA BA NAAAAA! BA BA NAAAA!

I went to the doctor's today at i was told that since I was there last, I've lost 30 pounds. 340, 6 months ago. Today my official weigh in was 310. w00t!

In addition to that: This weekend I bought TWO, count'em, TWO new comic book inspired t-shirts, which I will more than likely grace theses pages with hot shot model images of, because not only am I skinnier, I'm now sexier. No, I probably won't because I'm still a fat ass, and the 2X's I bought are like 1 inch from fitting right, and I'm keeping them as inspiration.

So I'm pretty happy right now, I probaly could have knocked another pound off had I taken a bigger shit before I went to doctor, but I'm okay with it. The next celebration will commence when I've reached 299. Because I haven't been under 300 in about 5 years. My tummy is jiggling its so happy!

I bought shirts

I bought 3 shirt yesterday, they are summer shirts. They don't yet fit, but they will soon. They're 2X's. I haven't fit into a 2X since freshman year of high school. I really haven't fit in 3X for a long either, I've just been in denial. They're pretty slick shirts.

I also made a doctors appt. for next week to get the semi-official weigh-in. I'm sort of excited about seeing him to see what he says.

The sausage man came to work today. I didn't buy or sample anything. Though it all looked and smelled delicious. Maybe next year Sausage Man, maybe next year.

15 Pounds!

I've been pretty good for the past week. No solid complaints. Though, Mary is making Shepherds Pie tomorrow so that guarantees me a light lunch, because I loves me some Shepherds Pie. Mmmmm.

Maggie has been rocking the healthy cooking tip for a while now. Last week she made ultra-tasty Quinoa and Sundried Tomatoes. Then the other day she rocked some Polenta and Salmon. Fuck, I feel like I'm living with Emeril Lagasse, except a girl, and alot prettier.

It really helps having someone to do this with you, it honestly does. If Maggie and I weren't tag teaming this shit, I'm almost positive I wouldn't have come this far. 15 POUNDS ALREADY! I can't believe I've lost that much. I'm about a week or two away from needing new pants. My pants have nearly fallen down twice at work this week.

I also had a talk with Dr. Vega about being creatively stifled. He says I just gotta do it. Just get out there and do it. And today I did. It's great to be creating for yourself, i feel like it gives me power of some kind. Like when Superman charges himself by flying past the clouds into direct line with the sun. (I make alot of DC references on here, but it should be known that I'm a Marvel man through and through)

So for the most part, no complaints. I still do want to eat a bunch of cake and I would love to scarf down a whopper right now, but I won't, because not only am I better than that, but Maggie would probably be mad at me, and Lord knows she doesn't need anymore reasons to be mad at me.

Weekend

This weekend was pretty dees. We went out to Illinois and at the world famous Grape Leaves. We got some babaganoush and we each had a falafel sandwhich. My dad joined us and he dined on some heavenly falafel. I dont know how many points it was, but it was probably alot, so we kept it low key for dinner and just had a big salad and some tuna sushi from whole foods. We also finished off almost an entire bottle of wine.
Sunday morning was one of my first buffett experiences since we started and I think it went swimmingly. I only had one plate, honest i did. I also had some orange juice, actually alot of orange juice. We didnt really keep track of points but I didnt have any donuts or bagels, just some fruit, eggs, potatoes, bacon, sausage and french toast and still kept that pretty light. I was stuffed so we walked around brookfield zoo for a couple hours before finally heading home. I had to pick up a skinny mocha latte from starbucks so I didn't doze off on the way home. For dinner we had salads with a little bit of chicken breast. A light dinner to offset the massively heavy brunch we had.
This morning I had my yogurt/cereal and for lunch I ate a healthy choice meal, i think it was pot roast. I was feeling good until after lunch, now I feel full and haggard. We're going to hit up costco again tonight to grab some vitamin water and probably some more yogurt. Maggie is going to make Quinoa for dinner and I'm going to go home and do as much laundry as I possibly can.

Dear Fat,

Fuck you. I just kicked your ass. That's right, I'm wearing the Old Navy Western Shirt I bought 6 months ago. I haven't been able to fit in it and I was too lazy to return it. So I said to myself, "Keep it Justin, when you lose weight you'll fit in it." Now I do fit in it, and I fucking rule hard.

Mary's food was tasty, but I kept it light. Maggies cupcakes were godly and I only had one. We went to Miller-effing Bakery Cafe for lunch today and I had salad and fish. No crab cakes. No dessert. I'm totally fucking awesome. I feel like punching the sky and being like "I AM HAL JORDAN! I'M THE EFFING GREEN LANTERN!" BOO-YAH!

Thats me Broseph. Thats Me.

With Love,

Justin

A Test of Wills aka Sinestro's Calling

So today will be a day to remember, that is, if I pull it off. Today, began with my simple yogurt/cereal 4 point breakfast. I then held off on snacks, and ate a big salad for lunch that I'm going to give 1 point to for the salad dressing. Then, I caved and ate a piece of grape flavored fruit leather for a grand total of 6 points so far today.
Tonight is Lost night. Mary, god bless her, always makes a delicious meal. Tonight she's concocted the devil herself in the from of Chicken Parmesan. I knew this ahead of time, which is why I went so light today, because I know that later, I will be bad. In addition to that, my lovely fiance baked TWO KINDS OF CUPCAKES. I've promised her that I will only try the chocolate cupcake, as me and chocolate cake have kind of lost our connection since this whole thing started. So I will be bathing in the sea of temptation this, hopefully I'll be able to step out, dry myself off, and continue on course. I don't want to drown tonight. Nay, I WILL NOT drown tonight. Thanks The Secret!

Cake is awesome, I am not.

I'm still eating well. But the feeling of awesomeness gained from diet change has subsided into my normal depressing self. I feel totally awful today. I ate yogurt and cereal for breakfast, and other than this cup of coffee that I'm working on, all I've had is a piece of grape fruit leather. I'm not going to cheat. Though I really want to. There's been a cake sitting in the breakroom for about a week, and its probably gone bad by now, but I really want to slam my face into it and devour it.

This brings me to what I think was one of my issues to begin with. My association with food and feeling happy. When I would get depressed, I would eat, regardless of whether or not I needed it or whether or not I was even hungry. It didn't matter what it was, as long as I was eating. Last night Maggie was taking a bath and I was working on my LinkedIn profile and all of a sudden I felt extremely lonely. I went down to the kitchen to find something to eat. I hadden yet breached my points alotment, and I probably shouldn't have eaten anything else for the day, but I settled on a bag of popcorn. A whole bag. Its not necessarily bad for me, but it was really good for me either.

Why did I do that? Because I felt lonely and sad and since Maggie was taking a bath I needed food to comfort me. That sort of what I feel like doing right now. Maggie isn't here, and there's nothing here at work to make me feel good other than tons of shitty food. I'm going to avoid it, if only to prove it to myself that I can. But what other options do I have for getting rid of the shitty feeling? I'm not sure.

Last night I also had a really weird dream that I think may have weirded me out for the day. I dreamt that my dad had to take me to school, to high school in fact. Only our car was parked in someone elses yard and we had to hop a fence to get to it. I've always had issues with hopping fences. I think i'm just not coordinated enough to pull it off gracefully. So my dad hops the fence and tells me to join him. I told him to get the car and drive around the block to pick me up. He runs to the car and I turn around to run back into my house, only this time I'm not wearing any shoes and the backyard is full of dried dog shit that I have to hop and jump over to avoid stepping in. I get back inside and my mom, who died two and half years ago, is laying on the couch watching something on TV about the Civil War. She's hugging my dog Maggie, and my other dog Molly (both of which died just before my mom did) is sitting in front of the couch. I was consciously aware of the fact that I hadn't seen my mom in over 2 years so I went to sit next to her on the couch and I began petting my dogs. Then my mom told me that I had to get to school. So she walked me to this small classroom in the middle of a field which was in the middle of a forest. I went inside and I sat next to my cousin Nick, who had died almost 10 years ago. My mom sat across the room from us. The teacher is teaching something about ecology and nature and showing us slices taken from trees and informing us that tree rings can tells us alot about what a tree has been through and how old it is. Just then this large group of people dressed like pilgrims walks in. Their clothes have this strange green threading. They start chanting something at my cousin, and my mom tells me "It's alright" and some of them turn to start chanting at my mom. At this point I am consciously aware of that fact that I am communing with the dead and that none of this is actually happening. Then I woke up.

I have no idea what any of that means, but It really makes me want to eat some cake.

Valentines + Weekend

I had a great Valentines. As usual, Maggie got me some kick ass gifts, including the Vampire Weekend CD, the Juno Soundtrack and best of all: a kick ass drummer robot tin toy! Fucking awesome.

On thursday we made our weekly trek to Chicago to watch Lost with Tom and Mary and crew, that was kind of our Valentines Day "going out". Mary made tasty soup, of which I had only one bowl, though I desperately wanted more. She also made Angel Food cake and fresh fruit for dessert, which was fantastic and tasty.

On Friday I did the yogurt thing again for breakfast and had a microwavable healthy choice dinner for lunch. We ate dinner a bit early, I had a "steak salad", basically a sald with a piece of steak slapped on top of it. It was good and it filled me up. Though the steak was fried, which I wasn't prepared for. We then returned to Chicago Friday evening to meet Maggie's Dad at the Auto Show. We don't plan on getting a new car any time soon, but it's always good to keep an eye out. I'm digging alot of the smaller vehicles, like the Toyota Yaris, Kia Rondo and the Suzuki SX4 Sport. Suprisingly, I fit in them this year, which is encouraging. I tabbed my points to around 28-30 for the day, which is under my 35 point high limit, but past my lower limit, which I've managed to stay under for most of the week.

The rest of the weekend was difficult because we had work engagements that involved plated meals. We kept it simple during the day to save most of our points for dinner. Which was okay, the best part being the carrot cake. Sunday I ate tons and tons of fruit for breakfast, as well as a little bit of eggs, potatoes, 1 slice of bacon and 1 slice of french toast, just to fulfill my traditional breakfast desire for them. I then cheated a bit and had a soft pretzel and mustard for a snack a bit later during our work meeting. When I got home I ate tons of salad and broccoli, and then we ate popcorn a bit later. I didn't calculate my points, but I figured it was pretty high.

I'm only at 5 points so far today and I can feel my tumbly a-grumblin' and it looks like its lunch time soon. Another Healthy Choice again. I'm not sure what we're having for dinner though.

Oh, BTW, the Weight Watcher Cookies and Creme Ice Cream Bars are fucking delicious. They put anything good humor has to shame.

2 signs

1. Down one notch on my belt.



2. My pants that I bought at Target last year finally fit pretty well.



Are these good signs or even for real signs? I would like to think they are, but then again I am prone to psychotic fits of elation, so who knows really? I guess its between me and my belt loop, and my gut and my fat thighs.

Point Values

This morning I woke up late, 7:02, i had to leave in 18 minutes. I went into the bathroom to take a piss, as soon as I was done I washed my hands. I turned around to start the shower and all of a sudden I could feel my stomach turn, followed by cold sweats, shaking and dizziness. I felt like I might have diarrhea or something so I sat on the toilet and put my head in my hands, the sweat just pouring out of me like I had just stepped out of the shower. My legs were weak, my knees were weak, I had to lay down. I laid on the bathroom flower, my head still spinning, the sweat still pouring. I must've laid there for 10 or 15 minutes until it all started to subside and I struggled to my feet. I was soaking wet from the sweat so I stepped right into the shower and chilled myself out.

Maggie thought I may have the flu, but I didn't have any other symptoms. When I got to work, I went to WebMD and looked up my symptoms, none of them were very good diagnoses. But they all went along with other, move severe symptoms. There were three diagnoses that stood out to me: Malnutrition. Heat Stroke, and lastly Diabetic Shock.

Malnutrition, I'm not too sure about, if only because if anything, I'm better nourished now than I have been at any other point in my life. Maybe it was body going in a mini-shock for not being used to this diet, but I can't imagine it would have been so severe. Heat Stroke would be a weird one for sure, that only peaked my interest because of the fact that I have a heated mattress bad, and I like it really really warm, hot I would say. So getting out of the ultrawarm bed and into the ultra-cold surroundings could have shocked my body. The last one is easily the most terrifying and the most real. Diabetic Shock. One of the reasons I'm doing this, losing weight, is because I'm at high risk for Diabetes, the same disease that killed both my grandma and my mom. From my understanding, if it were diabetic shock, then I would have needed emergency care immediately. If not that, I would have needed to eat something very quick. It happened to my mom a couple times, oddly enough it was a spoonful of sugar that would bring her out of it. I'm a little off put by those prospects and if it happens again I plan on going to the doctor.

The reason that I don't go now is that I feel totally fine right now. As soon as I got out of the shower, I felt 100 times better. I feel great now, I felt great then. So my own personal inside doctor says it was just some weird fluke thing. It was like I was going to throw-up for the most part.

The other thing is that yesterday was the first time I ate something really heavy and fatty in weeks. We had beef roast for lunch and it was amazingly delicious, but I'm also thinking it could have contributed to whatever this morning was.

No Coffee

I'm a little full for some reason. I ate my Yogurt/Flax Cereal concoction for breakfast and had a fruit leather and some walnuts for a snack. For lunch I had butternut squash ravioli Lean Cuisine and an Oreo 100 Calorie Granola bar. So far today only 14.5 points. I'm actually full. I also have to poop.

I should also mention...

That because we all did such a good job with the meeting yesterday, one of the bosses brought in donuts from Chuck's Bakery. If you don't live in Northwest Indiana, you probably don't know what Chuck's Bakery is. Basically, if God himself decided that he wanted to fry things in buttery lard and grace them with the sweetest of frostings that he could procure, his baked good would taste something like Chuck's Bakery's donuts. They're sitting in a box behind me. I can smell them as I type this. Holy fuck I could mange on about 8 of those at once. Fuck that. HAL JORDAN JUSTIN! HAL FUCKING JORDAN.

The Cheesecake Diaries

Yesterday, I think Maggie and I both did pretty well. I started off by wolfing down strawberry yogurt and that nature's path Flax cereal for breakfast, for a total of 2 points. I then had a tall bold coffee of the day from Starbucks and kept up with the water at regular intervals. For lunch I ate a veggie salad in some kind of italiany vinagarette dressing and a rather large turkey sandwhich. I don't know the point values for those, but lunch meat isn't that bad for you. Especially turkey. Dinner was the the worst however as I had a salad (nice) and both steak and shrimp, as well as garlic mashed taters and buttery asparagus. I couldn't tell you how many points that was, but I'm pretty sure I breached the point limit with desert, which was cheesecake. Maggie and I both had a long tiring day (especially Maggie, she's a trooper), and we figured we probably burned off some of the additional calories we ate during the course of the day.
Never fear though, as today I've repeated my delicious yogurt concoction for breakfast, and other than that I've been drinking lots of water and I ate a piece of grap fruit leather. It's almost lunchtime and I've only used up 5 points so far! (out of my alotted 28-35). I'm going to have one of them Cafe Steamers from Healthy Choice for lunch, and maybe some pretzels. Depends if i'm hungry or not. Then again, I'm pretty much always hungry.
The other day Maggie and I discussed the difference between "i'm hungry" and "i could eat". "I'm hungry" is the general state most people are in when its been awhile since they last ate. "I could eat" is the state most people like us are almost constantly in. It's not like I eat food because I need to, i eat food because I like food. I'm hoping I can sort of reverse that thought process over the next couple months.
I should also mention that today was the first day in a long time that I had a relatively easy go of it with getting out of bed this morning. I actually feel relatively well rested and I haven't even had any coffee yet today. Which is also a good thing. Here's to feeling relatively awesome.

Close Encounters of The Cake Kind

So Maggie and I have adopted a the Weight Watchers method of counting points. Today is the first day, and i've already got more than enough points for a decent dinner.

I ate a combination of Peach Yogurt, Walnuts, Banana and Dried Blueberries for breakfast. All of that was 11 points, so tomorrow i'll replace that with just yogurt and 3/4 of a cup of Nature's Path Organic Flax cereal, which is alot more delicious than it sounds.

In between breakfast and lunch I two piece of Stretch Island Fruit Co. Fruit Leather. I got a giant box of them at Costco for 10 dollars. 48 pieces, 6 flavors. Amazingly delicious.

For lunch work bought Jimmy Johns for my department, Maggie and I each got a Vito, like an Italian Sub, but instead of bread, we got an "Unwich" which is basically the same thing as a sandwich, only wrapped in lettuce instead of bread. a Vito Unwich at Jimmy Johns is only 6.5 points! If we were to have that on bread, it would have 13.5. So we had that and we split a can of soup (4 points, split in 2, so 2 points a piece) and a pickle which was 0 points!

I am also remarkably full. Which is the first time thats happened since we started.

Last night we ran into issues during dinner. Maggie made nummers Turkey Burgers. I had one on hearty rye bread with a slice of low-fat cheese. I also ate a ton of salad, probably half the giant bowl myself. I finished it off with what should have been a half piece of veggie lasagna, but ended up being the entire piece. I should have stopped at half, but it was too tasty. I think i'm okay though. At least it wasn't as bad as for reals meaty lasagna. But I must remember: too much of a good thing is a bad thing.

I also picked up some Carrot Juice at Costco for relatively cheap. I used to drink it when I was little, and I thought I would still like it alot. Its okay, but I'm not sure i'll be able to finish it all by the expiration date. Especially since no else in the house will drink it. I think i may end up using to make a soup or something.

Today was someones birthday at work, so they always bring in food. Mostly sweets and today was no exception. There is half of a chocolate cake (my kryptonite) covered in whipped cream frosting (my red kryptonite) sitting on the table in the break room. Holy fuck do I want a piece. But Maggie is my rock and she's keeping me away. I love her too much to piss her off by eating cake. Cake is really good though. Really good. Damn it.

Casuality of War #1

Maggie just wanted one breadstick from Fazoli's. As per or agreement last week, we were to be dilligent in allowing eachother access to that which we "want" more than we "need". She asked my permission and I promptly denied her. Understandably, she got pissed at me. I attempted to rationalize with her, but I could see that wasn't going anywhere for the moment. I know that she'll cool her jets and understand my point eventually.

This is going to be tough battle. Especially when we get to the point where we realize we haven't had junk food in a month and the craving for Chili-Cheese Burrito will have reached fever pitch. But thats all it is, a craving. I do not need a Chili-Cheese Burrito to live. I really really want to eat one because they taste so fucking good, but it will provide me with little more than the momentary satisfaction of warm spicy cheese sliding down my gullett. It will provide me no added nutrition. The pangs of hunger are there telling me that my stomach is empty. Since I am a large statured man, I must understand that my stomach is very stretched out. So the amount of food I "need" versus the amount of food I "want" (no matter how delicious said food is) will often never ever meet.

So cheer up Mag, it's a long hard road out of hell.

Pacski

Today i think i did okay. For lunch I ate a bunch of salad, some mashed potatoes, carrots and a piece of veggie lasagna. I may have had a little too many mashed potatoes though. I also had two smallish pieces of nut roll for dessert.

Since its close to Mardi Gras, for some reason, there are pacskis every where. We had some at home today. For those who don't know what a pascki is, its basically a jelly donut, only covered in powdered sugar, as opposed to regular sugar. They come with all different filling, raspberry, apricot, strawberry, cheese etc. etc. They're fucking delicious. There was a giant box of them, and still is, sitting on our counter in the kitchen. I want to eat those so fucking bad, we're supposed to be taking them to work tomorrow so hopefully someone there will eat them and spare me the agony.

For dinner I had the remainder of the salad we had made for lunch, and i heated up two veggie burgers. It was pretty tasty. The Dr. California Veggie Burgers from Costco are fucking awesome, and i dont even mind that they come out a bit soggy when microwaved. I can't wait to try and grill them come spring and summer.

For dessert i had some peach yogurt mixed with kashi granola and some honey. It so delicious. After i finished we watched the super bowl half-time show for a bit. All during the half-time show all i could think about was wanting to eat more yogurt. I could still taste in my mouth and my stomach was screaming at me. I knew I had eaten enough, but still, I really felt like I NEEDED to have more. Maybe Maggie is right, its all about portion control for me. Eating yogurt for dessert is better than eating a pacski, but eating too much yogurt couldn't be a good thing.

Ice Cream

Today I ate some kashi cereal for breakfast with skim milk. For lunch we went to Bass Pro Shop and I think i did pretty good. Despite drinking a couple glasses of diet soda, I ate grilled barbecue grouper and grilled blackened tuna with veggies and a plain baked potato (i put a little wasabi on the potato). I then went to see a movie so I had a pretty big diet soda there, but i stopped myself from eating any candy or popcorn.
I then tooled around for a bit and eventually ended up at red robin for dinner where i had a tasty salad with a grilled chicken breast.
All in all, I did okay today. I should probably stay away from all the soda though. At least i've gotten re-used to diet after only drinking regular for so long. When I lived with the 'rents we only had diet in the house because my mom was diabetic, so i was pretty used to it. But when I started going to college, i switched to regular for the extra boost from the sugar.
The worst part of the day was going to wal-mart. that place usually always depresses me. It depressed me because they had some cool t-shirts with Marvel comics characters on them (one had Cap) and natch, none in my size. I'm pretty sure they stopped selling 3XL at Wal-mart, at least the ones I go to. That really bummed me out. I like t-shirts, and I've never really been able to wear any with cool shit on them because they're always pretty hard to find in fatty sizes. I keep telling myself that when I lose weight, I can buy all the cool shirts I can handle. But its still a pain in the ass. Not only that though, I see plenty of awesome clothes everyday that I cannot fit into. I'm not necessarily saying they should make cooler clothes for fat guys (they should), but its kind of depressing that the only places I can find clothes in my size are places like Wal-mart or Steve & Barry's. One is giant evil corporation, the other uses sweat-shop labor. If I don't buy stuff there, I have to go to Casual Male XL (worst name change ever) or Mens Wearhouse, where everything is way too expensive. Worst case scenario I end up at Value City, it usually cheap, but theres a reason for it, the arms are too long or theres some mystery stain on it. I'd like to be a socially conscious shopper and only give money to places I agree with in an ideological sense but that nearly impossible for me to achieve right now due to monetary limitations and size restrictions.
It all kind of ties into getting super depressed by fundamentally being "stuck" in my current state right now. I've got Maggie, and thats the best thing going for me. But i have a lame job, I make shit money and I have tons o' debt. All this adds up to Justin staring at a shirt two sizes too small for him with a picture of Captain America on it, almost crying in the middle of the aisle at wal-mart.
When I start getting depressed, what do i think about but eating? There's a Steak and Shake in the same parking lot as Wal-Mart. It would be so easy to head over there and gulp down a cookies and creme shake with an extra cherry. Holy fuck, I could practically feel the grittiness of the ice cream rolling around in my mouth. I wanted it so fucking bad.
But I maintained. I put my head down, and made sure not to look in the direction of the steak and shake, lest the bitch tempt me more, and I made a bee line for my car and took the back way out, to make sure I avoid Steak and Shake, Wendy's, Taco Bell and further up the road Burger King and White Castle. It would have been so easy to just take down that fucking shake, but no, fuck that. If I had done that I would have just been even more fucking depressed and I would have wanted to eat even more. Fuck that. I maintained.
I was kind of proud of myself. But I was also a little depressed that I think about food like that. Like its something that I can't have or can't control. I don't think its a matter of denying myself something I desire, or I don't think it should be at least. I think it should be a matter of eliminating the desire in the first place, or wherever that desire comes from. Which is a whole other ballgame.

Caramel

At work we have a table full of junk food and little can to drop money in. On the table today, in addition to the regularly appearing chips and candy bars, are little cups of caramel to be used for dipping apples. I would like to eat the little cup of caramel, whether a not an apple is involved.

Last night Mary made delicious Turkey Chili. It was spicy and tasty and I ate two bowls of it. I also ate two pieces of cornbread. Oh yea, and about 5 O'Henry Bars and 2 fish-shaped gingerbread cookies. It was all really good. I also felt pretty awful about myself after eating it all. Maggie says I should stop eating so much at one time. I kind of agree with her. I wish food wasn't so good.

Tomorrow my brother is coming out here and we're gonna go to lunch. I feel a kharmic obligation to eat healthily, but also in the presense of my brother i will feel like eating tons of not-so-good-for-you food. I had mentioned to him Bass Pro Shop, which has delicious seafood, which tends to be healthier. I also mentioned Quaker Steak & Lube, which has wings and all kind of awful for you food. But they also have a salad with a grilled chicken breast thats fairly large and filling. Then I also said maybe Wagoners, which is a barbecue place and pretty much all they have is Ribs and other shit slathered in barbecue sauce. I may opt for Bass Pro Shop, because the only stuff I shouldn't eat on the menu is stuff I wouldn't normally get from a seafood place anyways, like fried stuff or hamburgers or steaks. I could go with a tuna steak or even some other kind of grilled fish and be good. so long as i stay away from the fries. Here's to hopin'.

I just ate 4 pieces of pizza and i'm in the middle of a diet coke. I won't eat anymore pizza. probably.

First Post

So far today:

1/2 Orange (it didn't taste good so I didn't finish it)
1/4 thing of Peach Yogurt (it tasted weird, so i looked at the expiration date and it expired in December, so I chucked it)
Full thing of Vanilla Yogurt (it tasted good)
1 cup of Coffee

They are buying Pizza at work for all the suckers who actually came in today despite the awful weather. I promise not to eat too much.

There are donuts on a desk behind me. I think they want me to eat them. I won't let them win.